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I’m a maskhole mother: my kids wear masks

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Given that I hate conflict but also given that I don’t truly understand why there’s so much conflict surrounding masks, I’ve been reluctant to write any kind of follow-up post after a previous Instagram post exploded. However, a reader sent me a charitable DM via Instagram about how I came off as mildly snarky in my mask/vaccine post – specifically with my parenthetical aside about how my kids have never had trouble wearing masks coupled with an emoji. I always try to be empathetic to others and once she pointed this out, I could catch glimpses of snark. This mom went on to explain that she knows or perhaps even has her own special needs child (I wasn’t sure which) who has trouble wearing a mask. I’m truly sorry I came off as insensitive to any of these children or their parents. Some children do struggle with mask-wearing for legitimate reasons. My heart goes out to all mamas of special needs children who have trouble wearing masks. But my heart also goes out to moms who have no choice but to send their kids to mask-optional schools and are genuinely concerned about their children not being protected. “My mask protects you and your mask protects me.” 

All this acknowledged, I’ve personally encountered far too many parents using flimsy excuses for why their kids won’t wear masks:

“My [healthy] child can’t breathe!” (See: COVID and Masks: Doctor, May I Be Excused?”)

“My child is scared of masks!” (Okay, forget about Halloween or seeing a surgeon, dental hygienist, or welder with your mask-fearing child.]

“It’s just not fair.” (Neither is dying from COVID.)

“It’s ruining my kids’ childhood!” (Only if you make them think it is…)

“Masks aren’t effective.” (So many studies argue to the contrary. I’ll never claim masks are a panacea, but to say they don’t work at all at reducing the spread of respiratory disease is hogwash.)

“Masks cause hypoxia and/or hypoxemia .” (Nope, not unless your child has a severe, diagnosed respiratory or other health problem. Kids up North run and play outside, oftentimes wearing face coverings in the frigid winters, and they do just fine. See here and here and here. )

And don’t even get me started on the “making a child wear a mask is child abuse” pronouncement.

Others have said masks impact a children’s social life. Kids are far more resilient than we give them credit for. They’re going to connect and make friends, masks be damned. What does make the social milieu more difficult to navigate is when mask-wearing kids are blacklisted or ostracized because they’re wearing masks. I’ve personally witnessed this with one of my kids who was made fun of for wearing a mask along with his friend. To be fair, I’ve also observed sweet, charitable moments like when a masked friend came over and one of my kids said, “Hold on! Let me go get my mask, too!” Or, when my teenagers have been willing to wear a mask in sports or social situations when it wasn’t required and they haven’t cared about standing out because they knew it was the right thing to do. For instance, my vaccinated children are still wearing masks out of extra precaution since they have two younger siblings who are eligible for vaccinations yet. (and because the CDC now recommends that everyone wear a mask indoors in public settings regardless of vaccination status in high-transmission areas due to delta, and we live in one along with 90 percent of American counties). We are looking out for one another in our little domestic church and beyond.

Sometimes parents are so biased against masks that it appears they make excuses for why their kids can’t (or won’t) wear masks before even trying to see if their kids might be totally okay with it (all five of mine are, including one who does have a diagnosis that I keep private). 

Now I have witnessed a few children complain about having to wear masks, but these same kids also have parents who refuse to wear masks or also complain about them as well. Our kids are listening and watching our every move. Younger children in particular are quick to soak up our own opinions on such matters. 

My own mom has a chronic condition known as atypical trigeminal neuralgia, so even a tendril of hair brushing across her face can result in excruciating, burning pain. You can imagine how wearing a mask might feel, so before vaccination, she tried to limit her time in situations where wearing a mask was either required or the safe thing to do even though this was really hard for her since she loves being with people. When necessary, she wore/wears a mask. I know we can’t always expect the same from little children or kids with sensory issues or other special needs. This is yet another reason for all eligible adults and older kids to get vaccinated! Let’s protect these younger children, and give them the gift of an ordinary day, no masks required.

I also urge anyone who, for whatever reason, chooses to not wear masks or eschews mask-wearing for their children to please embrace some other mitigation strategies. Choose outdoor playdates. Order groceries and pick them up rather than going into the store. Practice social distancing. Get vaccinated, but if you choose to decline vaccines but still want to move freely in public spaces, you need to be prepared to cover your face during this surge and/or when public health officials recommend it or a private company or school requires this if you or your child.  

I’ve been proud of my own children’s willingness to wear masks even in situations where it wasn’t popular or understood. Even my preschooler understands the basics of pandemic safety and has easily adapted to mask-wearing (though he has no special needs), and he is happy, little guy, not traumatized in the least (much less so probably than his white-knuckled mama). He even reminds me to make sure he has his mask and most recently, he told me, “I wear my mask to protect myself and to protect others!” There’s usually a smile behind that cloth. I don’t share this to virtue signal or humble brag about my children – only to point out that kids are capable of rising to the challenge, and sometimes what we parents might view as a challenge is no big deal to them!

PLEASE: I don’t want to get into a mask debate. The lines seem to have been drawn, and a lot of people aren’t willing to budge and have decided to choose to listen to politicians, mom friends or plumbers (no hate to plumbers, but I’ve just seen so many people outside the healthcare industry claiming to be experts just because they listened to some “newsy” personality who engages more in non-literal commentary than reporting actual facts. There are so many people who are anti-mask and have been from the get-go because of they have chosen to believe anyone BUT doctors, ICU nurses, epidemiologists, scientific and peer-reviewed studies (which means they’ve been fact-checked by many people), public health officials, etc. 

I don’t mind masks, but I did love the freedom of the delta surge when I didn’t have to wear one as a vaccinated individual. I look forward to maskless days ahead! 

I do want to apologize for my snark. Like most people, these last 18 months have been emotionally exhausting. We will get through this. ❤


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